You’re pretty impressive: I must pay you some credit for your insatiable ability to keep going, especially in recent years, through gestation and lactation not to mention the little one’s ever-increasing mechanisation.
There was a time not far back where getting you out for some oxygen-rich saturation was impossible and I thought: your beat; your thud; your boom was a wafty memory, too weak to raise a pant or a half beat.
What a shock, a sudden spark of pure white heat when I wrapped the laces to my feet and calmed the twisted sound wires into two straight lines, then suctioned in to noisy peace, and rhythm, rocking my soul on the tarmac, gently, but determined in will, to change our narrative from stillness to action.
Sloth like advances challenged my lava drive: inside, bubbling to defy the sound barrier with supersonic might though we kept at the programme and grew strangely fond of the voice inside the wires, the courage and the fog horn to keep going, YOU CAN DO THIS!
So I’m breathing and pacing, getting lost in the time, self caring and heaving, better slow down. But.
Now we connect regularly each week. It’s like old us but new us with our tri-weekly chat. You shuffle into rhythm after not much sleep, likely over driven from the ever present cortisol doing slalom in my veins: your veins? Our veins.
Heck, you run this show don’t you? My un-serviced engine, no one would treat a car like this, self care too often amiss from our alternating check in each week. Nearly 2 years now since our sleep was stolen. But the thing is, you’ve never been so golden and emboldened and o, stop with the rhyme!
Together, we’re driving a bigger engine now, we upgraded from the Fiesta to Lamborghini and beyond. Some days are harder to get us twinning in pace but we do it anyway and we can forget about the race, it’s already won with each other and with him, giving life to you, Max, is the ultimate win.
Yours sincerely heart,
Keep up the good work,
Freyja blogs and writes articles around the theme of motherhood for online parenting communities and publications whose ethos she can really get on board with. You can often find her at a playgroup or local library just trying to keep her shit together with her 16 month old toddler tyrant, Max.
Spreading only words of truth for all mums.